it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
