At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
