and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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