is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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