A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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