my phone needs a breathalizer
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
