I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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