Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
4 words: hood of his car
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
