look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
