It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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