also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
