I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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