i just google imaged poop.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
