i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
