Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
