Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
