You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
