Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
