I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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