Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
