if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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