I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
