dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
