We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
