You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
