Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
