Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
