I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
