I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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