I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
