dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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