I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
