Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
