I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
