And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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