hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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