the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
