He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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