Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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