The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
