I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize