In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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