Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
