I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just pee around me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
