I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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