you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
