hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
NoShamevember. You game?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
