Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
