All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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