Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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