Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
