I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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