I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
