he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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