saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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