I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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