last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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