oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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