Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros