i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.