Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"