He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something