is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
