i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.